I am not enough myself
I gave too much away
And despite the state
I’m in right now
On this new day
At this big age
I can’t help but feel
Just wonder
Worry, really
What‘s the plan now?
Am I in the right?
Have I changed too much?
Am I still too much the same?
Consider what it’s cost you
To be considered valuable
What the specter of desire
Has gifted and withheld
What’s been chipped away
And left you with a hollowed shell
A trapped ghost that seethes
Fueled by failures and triumphs
The byproduct of your self
Has the damage sculpted you?
Or is it simply disrepair?
How do you describe the feeling
Of being carved and cut into
While the shaping is underway?
How does the shaping sound?
Is it like a heavy drip
from a careless faucet?
An instant and impactful smash
of glass against the ground?
A weighty tinkling noise,
of discarded chunks of marble?
A wet scraping of the soft stuff
That fills my heavy skull?
A metallic groan of protest
Which the tinker ignores
A whoosh of slicing wood
Which the axeman adores
CLINK !
CLANK !
CLUNK !
CRASH !
Commotion and then clarity
I am more myself now
For the moment I am finished
But wait, I went too far
And traded too many parts
Now I am not enough myself
In order to be more, I need more
Material to cover these new scars
Forgive what has been banished
Paint over what’s scrubbed away
It’s love and labor, time and toil
I wish there were an easier way
Glue back what has been lost
Though it has dirt on it now
And I have to make it fit again
Shape and shave and sand to mend
All while more damage was procured
So there’s always starting over
A journey I won’t complete
One day it’ll all just end
I thought I was too tough then,
I think now I’ve grown too soft
Aged, molded, and attuned
By still searing scars
lingering hurt
foreign attitudes
And love long lost
Consider then whose opinion carries
Whose eyes matter the most
Which mind you know the best
How well you understand them
And how much more
You’d like to know
How much did you carve out?
To gift to another’s void
What energy you crafted
Whose wounds you carried
How many times did you fold?
Give more than you received
Found yourself discarded and deceived
Who wanted the best of you
Before deciding to leave?
Consider that you’re worth more
Than the cost of acquiring you
And the consequences that you meet
From considering, just taking note
They brought you this far, didn’t they?
Now what further distance to go?
You’ve undersold
You’ve bared your soul
And all along uncovered
The essence of elsewhere
The impulse towards creation
Just as well as we self-destroy
Doors slammed,
Voices raised,
Roads smashed,
Growing potholes to avoid
We ignore the answers
And plea to return to the void
I think it’s probably a curse
Being just a bit too self-aware
The consequences you’ve met with
From taking note of considerations
Make you blunder and realize:
What shapes somebody’s story?
Is it worth it?
Was it yours?
STARSMIRK 