A Personal List of Formative Bisexual Films

Posted on by STARSMIRK

Ok, ok — I know many lists of bisexual representation in media exist on the internet, but this isn’t quite that list. What I mean by “formative” bisexual films are those that either intentionally or unintentionally cater to the bisexual gaze. Simply having attractive individuals of different genders isn’t enough to qualify for this list. There needs to be a delicate balance of the male and female gaze, some implicit queerness, a certain je ne sais quoi that baby bisexuals know (or at least feel) when they see it — like porn, I suppose.

This is my list of such films in order of most foundational to most recent, with additional commentary provided by my fellow bisexual buddy Calm Comet (yes we’re committed to the celestial theme on this here blog).

1. The Mummy (1999) and The Mummy Returns (2001)

Not a question, not a shadow of a doubt — this is the gayest straight film in existence. The first two movies of this franchise (the others do not count) were an enthralling childhood experience. The lead couple is gorgeous, the villains are sexy, and the mysterious antagonist-turned-ally is a freaking beautiful man. Plus they’re just a load of fun to watch, with some mild body horror and comedic elements the sprinkling on top. Instant classics. *Muah*

Anck Su Namun alone was such a service to the baby bisexuals. Excellent casting and costuming makes up for the disregard for historical accuracy.

2. Mulan (1998)

Before there were 10 different “first canonically queer Disney character(s)”, Li Shang was the first canonically bi Disney icon. No argument. The way he looks at “Ping” before discovering Mulan’s identity… he does not beat the queer allegations.

Mulan herself displays suspiciously fruity energy, giving herself a bisexual bob with a sword not ten minutes into the film.

3. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)

All the Star Wars media hints at some degree of queer subtext, but Attack of the Clones has by far the most unhinged bisexual energy of them all. Why is young Obi-Wan Kenobi in some sort of bondage more than once throughout the film? Who designed the choker dress? Horny bisexuals everywhere want answers!

The dual-wielding lightsaber scene made me feel some type of way as a youngling… You mean to tell me that wasn’t a metaphor for conflicting feelings (potentially regarding one’s orientation)?

4. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001-2003)

There’s just too many damn attractive people in this trilogy to not be claimed by the bisexuals. Also Gimli and Legolas are in love and it’s not up for debate. Next!

Not explicitly queer, but very formative nonetheless.

5. X-Men (2000) and X-2 (2003)

Mutants can be a metaphor for a number of real-world movements within marginalized populations: the Civil Rights Movement, the Gay Liberation Movement, disability advocacy, etc. So it’s no surprise that the narrative of the X-Men films at the start of the century, when comic book films were only just starting to get really good and gain traction, would hit home with many a questioning individual like myself. Social commentary aside, here’s more hot people!

I really do have a soft spot for sexy female villains like Mystique and Lady Deathstrike.

6. Princess Diaries 2: A Royal Engagement (2004)

I don’t believe there’s any science behind it, but in my humble opinion an “enemies to lovers” plotline is an incredibly satisfying experience for the bisexual. Maybe it’s because despite the (heterosexual) romance being a foregone conclusion, it feels like work was put in to get to that point. Obvious but delightful to watch all the same. Princess Diaries 2 has cute leads, a cute story, fun side characters, and freaking Julie Andrews. All a young queer kid needs.

One thing I didn’t buy is when they gave Lily, the quite clearly a man-hating lesbian character, a random male love interest. Hm.

7. Pirates of the Caribbean 1-3 (2003-2007)

Every bisexual I know seems to feel some type of way about these films, according to the limited but substantial sample size that is mine and Calm Comet’s social circles. Watching Elizabeth Swan turn into a pirate king over the course of three films was a revelation unto itself. The rest of the main cast was pretty appealing too. Is it just me, or did Norrington get hotter the grimier he got?

Miss Calypso owned my ass circa 2006.

8. Legally Blonde (2001)

Although there are far, far more attractive female actresses/characters in this film than males, befriending your ex’s ex is a pretty relatable bisexual experience (according to Calm Comet). Furthermore, it’s just a perfect film (according to my old screenwriting professor).

I think we can all agree that Chutney can like… get it.

9. Ella Enchanted (2004)

This movie is so campy and adorable, despite the novel being arguably more formative for me. Hugh Dancy’s pretty face makes up the bulk of the masculine appeal in a film dominated by gorgeous women. There’s nothing explicitly queer in this film or the Gail Carson Levine book it’s based on, but Calm Comet argues that Lucinda has chaotic bisexual energy and both Benny and Slannen have “bi wife” energy.

Calm Comet fully admits that the bulk of her case for this being a bisexual film is merely her desire for it to be so, which like, valid.

10. Enchanted (2007)

Partner-switching is a quintessentially bisexual trope, according to Calm Comet (I’m just taking her word for it at this point). Also, Idina Menzel and James Marsden are mainstays of the bisexual cinematic canon. We’re both pretty excited for the sequel, Disenchanted, coming next year.

I just think they’re neat.

11. Tangled (2010)

This animated classic also features a case of bisexual bob as important plot point. Additionally, Flynn Ryder definitely has bi wife energy, and once again, I will not be elaborating. Here, Calm Comet and I are resolute.

Mother Gothel has hot goth gf energy and while not explicitly queer-coded in the grand Disney tradition, isn’t not queer-coded.

12. Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Everyone in this movie had the hots for Steve Rodgers, including his best friend Bucky and love interest Peggy, who I myself am certainly gay for. While Peggy technically got the man in the end, Bucky was Captain America’s “dude in distress” for much of the movie, and indeed the entire Captain America MCU trilogy. Did Steve and Bucky ever explore each others’ bodies? Fanfiction has explored the possibilities ad nauseam.

Not a single heterosexual thought was had by any of the men who witnessed Steve’s transformation reveal. Just look at Howard Stark! That ab caress was unnecessary but appreciated.

13. Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

I know straight girls ride hard for this film, but consider… the burlesque scene. Holly is more explicitly attracted to women in the novella the film is based on, with passing references to “being a bit of a dyke.” Additionally. running away from your gross older husband and small town life to party in the big city is strong queer energy. Twunk sex worker Paul Varjark’s novella counterpart is heavily implied to be gay as he’s based on gay author Truman Capote. The book and movie are truly day and night in terms of plot, but I can’t help but consider them equally iconic.

Though basically all the queer subtext was scrubbed for the film adaptation, it still gives me residual queer besties turned lovers vibes.

14. Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Marvel really knew what they were doing with this casting. Putting Tessa Thompson, Cate Blanchett, Chris Hemsworth and Idris Elba in the same film is guaranteed to draw in the bisexuals. This movie was perfection — I have no notes.

In typical fashion I’m obsessed with Blanchett’s sexy villainess Hela.

15. Jennifer’s Body (2009)

You didn’t think I’d wrap this list up without honoring the classic, the landmark, the watershed moment that is Jennifer’s Body, did you? Though it received widely negative reviews upon release due to poor marketing decisions targeting the oh-so precious 18-14 white male demographic, this film gradually became a cult hit before coming out on the other end of the 2010s as a bonafide horror classic, undoubtedly in part due to its unapologetic bisexual representation.

Who could forget Jennifer’s classic line, “I go both ways,” which ostensibly refers to her killing both boys and girls but is clearly a cheeky nod to her bisexuality. It literally speaks for itself.

Honorable Mentions (in no particular order): Black Swan (2010), The Road to El Dorado (2000), Heathers (1988), The Little Mermaid 1 & 2 (1989, 2000) , The Princess Bride (1987), Basic Instinct (1992), Shrek 2 (2004), Cloud Atlas (2012), Professor Marston and the Wonder Women (2017), Atomic Blonde (2017), Wonder Woman (2017), A Simple Favor (2018)

Honorable People Mentions: Cate Blanchett, Anne Hathaway, Orlando Bloom and James Marston seem to be re-occurring figures in this list which sort of makes them de facto bisexual icons. But let’s not forget irl bi-cons Tessa Thompson, Megan Fox, Anna Paquin and Alan Cumming doing the good lord’s work. We honor them here.

So that wraps up this post! Wondering why certain classics like the live-action Scooby-Doo films aren’t here? Well, while this post was originally much longer, I’ve decided to compile a list of formative lesbian films as well — don’t y’all worry!

Sincerely,

STARSMIRK

(with valuable input from Calm Comet)

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