I.
one evening it reckoned
beneath manmade skies
on uncanny road trip
upon tripping tides
of coordinates concealed
long before that night
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, & Spy
journeyed along with thee
a fiddler
a whistler
the leech
& the flea
the revelers assembled
said archetypes complete
all intellect bowed
to rhythm’s cacophony
bloodless bonds bearing
prettiest unpleasantry
and beneath raucous starlight
they weathered cool wings
of angels among them
with glistening white teeth
awaiting scent, noise, or gaze
which signaled the weak
to descend on to feed
their ego and sate greed
the crew had their questions
separate journeys they sought
every beat in them beckoned
to surrender cold thought
when do you listen?
how well do you speak?
who in here to f*ck?
why do you tap your feet?
dance.
keep moving
don’t peek
at blood on the dance floor
ignore the underneath
admire the flashes
such glamour
and trashes
the moisture
and noises
the clamour
the clashes
the smells
and such fashions!!
the glares
the crashes
more smells
m*the*f*cking smells
and frankly dizzying flashes
still,
“everything matters”
said Tinker to me.
feel creatures’ conceit
that creeps at your feet
the blackest of holes
the void underneath
examine unflinchingly
rip off that thin sheet
you’d rather it be your choice
than an angel’s with teeth
Still you wander further
Descent incomplete.
II.
“if it were up to me,
things would be different”
retorted dear Spy.
since they say my mind lies
who are you to be?
you don’t know yourself
own any true choice
both vehicle and driver
though neither unvoiced.
can you hear your own truth?
such a clear ringing bell
have loving lies made you think
your sh*t doesn’t smell?
keep biding and see
same simulacra cannot be
if indeed you short circuit
which safety do you seek?
what paradise does firewall upkeep?
some shimmer that’s summer
is that what truth is hidden under?
be no one’s soundboard
or hollow drumbeat
when will you discover
what makes you complete?
why suffer another’s stroke?
why carry foreign heartbeat?
III.
and then began Soldier:
“but how couldn’t you care
enough for all pain?”
who carries most weight?
who’s first to complain?
you realize those answers
are never the same?
whose maw is most muzzled?
whose paws wrongly clasped?
which voice is most godly?
whose humanity most masked?
all along we’ve known
it’s who we’ve most tasked
and whose noise is a song?
whose colors correct?
whose spirals most mesmerizing?
whose messes most neat?
whose scratches nostalgic?
whose warmth and weight complete?”
and that is Hate
and there is Love,
was Soldier’s conceit.
IV.
but that’s how we got here
what was said came to be
and then came a vision
from Tailor to me:
what serpent
that drips
in wetness
and red
slovenly
slung in the
warm
thick
ripe
star tree?
whose voice
in the wild
in the dark
numb
and nervous
shrieks
silently,
“See?”
for truly,
she was too good to speak
deft machinery evermore
signals of another’s domain
not laws you chose,
realities you meant to seek
just rules to remember
outstanding items to complete
the ones who placed masks
concealed in their vows
fizzled whispers beneath
big ideas men bequeath
murmurs dumb and incomplete
just roles to surrender
symbolic ways to retreat
the mask her Becoming
and her undoing Beneath
“so why pretend to listen,
if you just intend to speak?”
you don’t own this black box
stop saying someone does
it’s mine and it’s glitching
diagnose the right issue
or let me be the judge?
don’t teach me what’s beauty
whose voice has highest gauge
most honored real regard
wrought by heralds and brigades
troops disguised as guards
who don’t act as they say
if we really thought about it
and gave it a good minute
who said you were in charge?
i am not mere sparkle
or covetable trinket
you would have me believe
i’m not put on this
blessed soil
to sit around and think?
i glimmer in your gaze
covetous and cruel
while you all drool
at world’s
sexiest
imperfect
boring
f*cking tool
priceless and of infinite value
but i’m no mined jewel
no bearer of sweet fruit
or endless
painful
bloody
mother cell
I AM NOT YOUR GENESIS
YOUR EXCUSE
YOUR WET RAG
i’m my own universe
of brilliance
unparalleled
untested
untimed
uncapturable
unquantified
once
in a
goddamn
lifetime!
what does
*
Even mean
one gameless symbol
that’s yet uninscribed
ethereal
unmanifest
never quite the same
a curious little flicker
of tiny smokeless flame
V.
“I think we can agree,”
I thought finally.
“Even truths are too infinite
to ever be complete.
We shall never be free,
if in fact we all just compete.”
if only we’d review past struggles
our own backs and dead passages
trailed along black soil and stark sand
follow wakeless void’s command
with eyes wide shut
no truth
no species
no categories as of yet
no paths become roads
no place where time goes
infinite fears to beset
before the sea of begets
that machinery that’s me
of unknown creator’s whim
whose black box you’ll never recover
from universe you can’t even conceive
just a crack to discover
loose floorboard uncovered
by a naughty little sneak
with a noose primed for another
our system sometimes hijacked
by some ludicrous thief
a small voice that sings
to stay the untried paths
until of course they become highways
and the rules all fucking change
use all the reasonable signals
and stay in your own damn lane
though trails all intersect
along weird internet
what matters who’s nearest
if our lines all connect?
where to find meaning
in what hologram projects?
like laundry we’re hung
all from the same twine
draped horizontally
strung side by side
no choice when to be
how long to await
little say in what breed
of fresh horrors to face
what to do in the meantime
all these seams in between
those empty first pages
cells not yet complete
which night sky to admire
black stars mirrored inside
the faceless foe within us
guides us towards friendly fire
what is the value of One
a single star of a myriad
in a night sky aflame
our beauty collective
enhanced among many
what’s the other option
in alien country
trapped on the wrong earth
with awful new eyeballs
horrid blunt teeth
and a curious pair
of the strangest feet
than to flicker the light switch
and simply wait and see?
for what does destiny even mean?
a reality undermined?
some flavor un-savored?
dissected via time?
or was our fate made indefinite,
the moment she saw the star tree
and sought the unforgivable
begged the first question
liberated all terrors and toil
that were henceforth to be.
an elemental query:
.
.
.
Is my name really Eve?
STARSMIRK 